The Hitman series has always had its own flavor of humor. Throughout his jet-setting adventures, Agent 47 has a penchant for delivering one-liners in a deadpan manner. Hitman 3 feels like it’s a culmination of years of practice setting up these moments of pure gold. The game has tons of these dialogue moments and we’ve assembled the top 6 of them for your reading pleasure.
Death of Soders
Nurse: Doctor! That’s terrible about Mr. Soders. What happened?
Agent 47: He died.
Nurse: So I understand. But how? All those doctors and surgeons and KAI on standby.
Nurse: How could something like that happen?
Nurse: I mean, I don’t blame you. I’m sure you did everything you could.
Agent 47: I always do. Excuse me.
Guy in suit: So, you’re here for a job application or what?
Agent 47: Something like that.
Guy in suit: Nice. If you don’t mind me saying so your particular choice of attire is maybe a little, I don’t know, off? For a job interview, I mean.
Agent 47: My suit is at the cleaners.
Guy in suit: And you couldn’t find anything else to wear?
Agent 47: Correct.
Guy in suit: You must lead a very interesting life, my friend.
Agent 47: You have no idea.
Cortazar: So. Here’s the deal, Flowers. The boss is having a powwow with some employees and discretion is the name of the game.
Cortazar: I’m sure you’ve figured that out already, you being a scholar and all.
Cortazar: Don’t discuss, disclose, or, hell, even contemplate what goes down. Just set your mind to woolgathering mode. You think you can do that for me, Flowers?
Agent 47: Worry not, Mr. Cortazar. I am the very soul of discretion.
Butler: Please, follow me. I shall take you to his quarters.
Butler: And may I say, it is well that you are here, Doctor. The master has not been himself lately. Well, I only hope you are as good as they say.
Agent 47: Don’t worry. I am.
Agent 47: The Sun. It’s fixed. It should glow as specified.
AHT Crew: Wonderful! Yeah, I can see that. Hopefully that weird man will finally leave me alone! You are my hero!
Agent 47: I’m certain he won’t bother you anymore.
Customer: Hey! I know I was just in here, but I need to ask you another question, sorry.
Customer: So, I am…was surprised by something you said earlier, you said you know that I’m living under an alias, that I’m not who I say I am, which you’re the only one that knows that and, I don’t want to have to kill anybody, or put out a, you know, contract on anyone, but if people found out, like, my boss at my job found out I wasn’t who I said I was, well, things would have to happen, people would have to be dealt with, and I’d rather that not happen.
Customer: So, is there any way you could tell me who knows my real identity? So I don’t have to kill them?
Agent 47: Your future is death. Any questions?
Agent 47: Let’s have a quick look at you before we do anything drastic, Mr. Williams.
Williams: Fine, fine.
Agent 47: Cough, please.
Williams: Look, tell it to me straight, doc. Is it bad? I’ve got some very serious business to attend to and I really don’t have time for this shit.
Agent 47: We’ll be done soon. Turn around for me.
Williams: Aw, hell. Can’t you do anything to strangle this cough, doc?
Agent 47: I have a few ideas, Mr. Williams…
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