Some of things that keep our sides hurting with laughter, other than the way Crash dies, are the funny/ironical/defeatist things Cortex says!
Dr. Neo Cortex is best known as the primary antagonist throughout much of the Crash Bandicoot series. He’s appeared in almost every game in the Crash Bandicoot franchise. Along the way he left us with some very memorable quotes.
What follows are some of our favorite – some with context, and some funny or sinister enough to stand on their own!
MORON! THIS BANDICOOT WILL BE MY GENERAL AND HE WILL LEAD MY CORTEX COMMANDOS TO WORLD DOMINATION! THIS TIME I SHALL REIGN TRIUMPHANT!— Dr. Neo Cortex, Crash Bandicoot
It’s fitting that our first quote comes from the very first game in the series – Crash Bandicoot.
One of Cortex’s most memorable blunders is the creation of his long-time rival, Crash. Using the sinister Evolvo-Ray, he set out to create sentient animals that would act as an army to aid him in conquering the world. Unfortunately, things went wrong with the Cortex Vortex that is meant to train the animals into subservience. The machine rejected Crash and he escaped, leading to the beginning of one of the most beloved franchises in gaming history.
DEFEATED AGAIN! IT’S NOT FAIR! MAYBE I SHOULD RETIRE TO A NICE BIG BEACH, WITH A NICE BIG DRINK, AND A WOMAN WITH NICE, BIG… BAGS OF ICE FOR MY HEAD.— Dr. Neo Cortex, Crash Bandicoot Warped
This quote comes from Crash Bandicoot: Warped. We get to see Cortex losing here, and all considered he gives in with some amount of grace here. Well, maybe not grace, but at least humor!
It’s worth noting that you can see both of these first two quotes in the stunning new remakes, all bundled together as one in Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy. It’s a great buy and includes remastered audio with the new voice actors, so you can compare to the originals and see which you like better!
TROUBLE? I WON’T MAKE TROUBLE. AT LEAST NOT UNTIL I’VE CONQUERED MY PLANET FIRST…!— Dr. Neo Cortex, Crash Nitro Kart
This quote comes to us from Crash Nitro Kart, the second of the game’s racing spin-offs. In it, both Crash and his allies, as well as his nemesis, Cortex and some of his cronies, are teleported to a galaxy far away to compete in a huge Galactic Championship race series.
It’s good to know Cortex doesn’t have any plans for galactic conquest – at least not until after he finishes with Earth!
CRASH BANDICOOT, YOU BANISHED ME TO THE PAST, BUT ALL IT DID WAS GIVE ME MORE TIME TO PLAN YOUR DOOM. YOU’LL FIND ME UP THE MOUNTAIN. DON’T FREEZE ON THE WAY.— Dr. Neo Cortex, Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time
As you might guess, this one comes from the latest in the series –Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time. You’ve got to give Cortex credit – he manages to overcome almost any obstacle!
Crash Bandicoot 4 involves a lot of time travel shenanigans, but Cortex still manages to overcome. Still, things rarely end well for him… you’ll have to play the game to see!
BLASTED BANDICOOTS! MUST WE KEEP GOING AROUND AND AROUND LIKE THIS? TELL ME, CRASH, IS THIS ALL THERE IS, FOREVER?— Dr. Neo Cortex, Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time
Okay, I guess you don’t have to play it to see how it turns out for Cortex!
Another game, another defeat. Right after this, he threatens to retire to a tropical island again. I guess we’ll see if it sticks this time, but somehow we think he might appear in the next installment, too!
I’VE RUINED THE LIVES OF SO MANY, I CAN’T BE EXPECTED TO REMEMBER THEM ALL…!— Dr. Neo Cortex, Crash Twinsanity
We’ll leave you with this sinister quote from Crash Twinsanity. Cortex is right – even we can’t remember all of the dastardly deeds he’s done! And who knows what he’ll get up to in the next game!
Want to hear from the smartest animal on the planet too? Check out Coco Bandicoot’s quotes here!
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